An Anagram, as you know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the letters: Dormitory Dirty Room Evangelist Evil's Agent Desperation A Rope Ends It The Morse Code Here Come Dots Slot Machines Cash Lost in 'em Animosity Is No Amity Mother-in-law Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness Genuine Class Semolina Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes That Queer Shake Eleven plus two Twelve plus one Contradiction Accord not in it And for the grand finale: CLINTON, PRESIDENT OF THE USA It can be rearranged (with no letters left over, and using each letter (only once) into: TO COPULATE, HE FINDS INTERNS ANSWERING MACHINE GREETINGS 1] My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 2] A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message. 3] Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. 4] Hi. Now you say something. 5] Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. 6] Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you? 7] Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a *sexy* message, I'll call sooner! 8] Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. 9] Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. 10] This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. 11] Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. 12] Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. 13] If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message. 14] Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. 15] Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you. A married couple went on vacation to a fishing resort near a national park. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. While he was sleeping, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake. She rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Park Ranger in his boat. He pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, thinking to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?" "You are in a NO FISHING area", he informs her. "But Officer, I'm NOT fishing, can't you see that?" "But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and charge you." "If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman. "I didn't even touch you," grouses the ranger. "Yes, that's true, but you have all the equipment . . WHICH IS BETTER?..... In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners. In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars. In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of. In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work we have managers. The Soldier An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window." The groom comes into the church to take his place by the altar and his best man notices that he has the biggest, brightest smile on his face. The best man says, 'Hey man, I know you're happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited?' The groom replies, 'I just had the BEST blow job I've ever had in my entire life and now I'm marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.' Then the bride comes walking down the aisle and she also has the biggest, brightest smile on her face. Her maid of honor notices this and says, 'Hey girlfriend, I know you're happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited?' The bride replies 'I have just given the LAST blow job of my entire life.' IDIOTS AT WORK... I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. ADVICE FOR IDIOTS An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask." Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?" Sighting #3: At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck. Sighting #4: I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on. Sighting #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man.- "I already got that side." Golf Genie Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but hedidn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do,"he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch biclighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster???" "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie," he asked? "Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie says. So he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks . Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!" He answers, "I forgot to tell you, the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch bic?" A-1 CONSTRUCTION A-1 construction company is putting up a skyscraper in downtown New York. It's Hard-hat Joey's first day working on the fifty-third floor. At About 11:30, after a morning of riveting, he starts to feel nature calling. He finds his foreman and asks "Hey boss, think I can go down and take a piss real quick." "Hey Joey, ya know I can't do dat" his boss replies, "It'll take ya 10 minutes to get down, and another ten to get back up. That's 20 minutes I just can't spare. Ya know we gotta get this job done by next week. But, I'lI tell ya what" says the foreman. "I'll stick this here plank out Da window, you go out dere and uh, do what ya gotta do." Joey inches his way out on to the plank, unzips his pants and starts to piss. Meanwhile the phone rings inside. The foreman, forgetting he was holding the plank for Joey and not wanting to miss the call runs over to answer it. Needless to say Joey falls and dies. The next week there is an inquiry into Joey's death and the foreman gets brought up on charges of murder. The prosecution has one witness that was on the 25th floor. When asked to give his view of what happened, the witness looks around, leans forward and says, "You know what I think? I think it had to do with sex. Maybe they were quarreling lovers." The foreman incensed, stands up and yells "What the hell kinda crap is that?" "Well," says the witness, "when the deceased passed the 25th floor he was holding his dick and screaming where'd that cock sucker go?!'" MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN... In a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a Greek man stands up in the rear ofthe plane "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this." Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes". A Native American boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?" "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm," she replied. "Why is my sister's name Cornflower?" he asked. "Well, your father and I were in a corn field when we made her," the mother replied. "And why is my other sister named Moonchild?" he asked. "We were watching the moonlanding while she was conceived," she replied. "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?" A Yankee salesman was traveling through the countryside, peddling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. "Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it." The farmer was dubious. "Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield, butt naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you." The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. Thefarmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked, "My God, Mister, doesn't that calf have a mother?! Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and *very* satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?" "I can't remember, exactly...Peter Peter, something or other...." Space Pen The Americans wanted to find a writing implement that could be used in space. It took 200 engineers and they spend over $2 billion to finally come out with a space pen. This pen could write in zero gravity and the ink would still flow. NASA proudly announced their success and congratulations flowed in from all over the globe. In a short note to NASA, the Russians congratulated them but said that they too have found a solution at a fraction of the cost spend by the Americans. We use a pencil. Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in Boston Commons when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bruins Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Bruins fan," the little hero replied. "Sorry, since we are in Boston, I just assumed you were." said the reporter and starts again. "Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook. "I'm not a Red Sox fan either," the boy said. "I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or Red Sox. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked. "I'm a Yankees fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Bastard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet." Why did the chicken cross the road? PAT BUCHANAN to steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, so we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? KEN STARR I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook --and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you please define "chicken"? COLONEL SANDERS I missed one? A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote. Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him. After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply: "Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late." "The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C." "I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather." "If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks." "Remember, this is a friendly community." Top 10 Signs Your Not In College Anymore 10. Beers at lunch get you reprimanded. 9. College sweatshirts are 'casual' instead of dress-up. 8. The 4 food groups are no longer beer, pizza, ramen and cereal. 7. Three Words: School Loan Payments. 6. Sneakers are now 'weekend shoes'. 5. Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks. 4. You empathize with the characters from 'Friends'. 3. Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone's and Mad Dog. 2. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. And the Number 1 Sign Your Not In College Anymore At 6am you're waking up instead of going to bed. A Man's answers to every question a woman ever asks!!!!! 1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the griping and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood. 2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can. 3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC? We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus. 4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words. 5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE? You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner. 6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS? Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays. 7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS? Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel. 8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)? Please ...How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men ... Men hunters ...Need go roam ...Starve in cave Must go find wildebeest...Now sitting on our butts for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story. 9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR BUTTS ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING? Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber-toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability. 10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?" Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults. 11. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME? Ho, Ho, Ho ...Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well. 12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME? We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things. 13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up. 14. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING? This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps. 15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING? It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err ... buying! When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack them in the head Deer Hunting in North Carolina This guy was deer hunting in North Carolina. He shoots a deer, and as he is dragging it back to his truck, he gets stopped by this redneck Game Warden who asks to see his hunting license. The hunter shows him the license, . _, and is about to leave when the Game Warden says |`\__/ / "Not so fast, Boy. I need to inspect the deer." \ . .( | __T| The Game Warden then reaches down, sticks / | his finger up the deer's butt, pulls it _.---=======' | out then sniffs his finger. The Game // {} Warden gets angry then says "Wait a minute `| , , {} Boy! This here ain't no North Carolina \ /___; ,' deer; this here is a Virginia deer! You ) ,-;` `\ // need to have a Virginia Hunting License | / ( ;|| to hunt this deer. You got a Virginia ||`\\ ||| Hunting License on you Boy?" || \\ ||| jgs )\ )\ )|| Well, it just so happens that the guy `" `" `"" had been hunting in Virginia the week before. He goes back into his wallet hand pulls out a Virginia Hunting License. The Game Warden looks at the valid license and disappointingly says, "Well.... OK, I guess I'll have to let you go. I really do enjoy writing up Boys like you who hunt deer without a license, but you look like you got everything in order. So go on; get out of here." ."". The following week, the guy is hunting again. He shoots | | another deer and as he is dragging it back to his truck, he | | gets stopped by the same Game Warden who says "Just a | | minute Boy. I need to inspect the deer." He | |--.--._ reaches down, sticks his finger up the deer's | | _| | `| butt, pulls it out, sniffs his finger and says | /` ) | | "Boy! This here is a South Carolina deer! You | / /'--:__/ got a South Carolina Hunting License?" The |/ / | Hunter, somewhat surprised, said that he had one ( ' \ | in the truck. He goes and gets it out of the \ `. / glove box, shows it to the Game Warden, who again | | has to let him go. jgs | | So this goes on for the next three weeks. Each week the hunter shoots a deer; one from Georgia, Tennessee, and West Virginia. Each time the Game Warden stops to do the Finger Test, and each time the hunter is able to produce the correct license. Finally, after the West Virginia deer, the Game Warden is furious: "Boy! You got a hunting license from every state in the south! Where the hell are you from, anyway?" The hunter drops his pants, bends over and says "You Tell Me!" ...Young men are discovering that a liberal application of Gold Bond -- a medicated foot powder for the elderly -- can turn them into James Bond in the sack. According to one report, more and more men have taken to sprinkling the powder into their shorts when a bout of lovemaking seems imminent. The sensation, likened to the tingle of a menthol cough drop, apparently gets lads revved up in all the right ways. Even doctors are giving the green light, while the company that makes Gold Bond is pitching the powder on college campuses. And not as a cure for itchy feet. Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Yankees hat, I find an asshole."