For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head." "The Gift" A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing." There were these three ducks in the pond and an officer came over and arrested them for blowing bubbles. The ducks went to court and the judge called the first duck up and asked him his name and why he was arrested. The first duck said "My name is Quack and I was blowing bubbles in the pond". The judge said,"You were blowing bubbles?". "Yes sir", the duck replied. The judge thought that was not a valid reason for being arrested so he let him off the hook. The second duck came up and the judge asked him what his name was and why he was arrested. The second duck said, "My name is Quack Quack and I was blowing bubbles in the pond". So the judge let him off the hook too. The third duck came up and the judge said "Let me guess your name is Quack Quack Quack and you were blowing bubbles in the pond", and the third duck said, "No your honor, my name is Bubbles". PAPANDREOU NEWS: LATEST GREEK HEADLINES: ANDREA RECOVERS ANDREA DIVORCES DIMITRA ANDREA ANNOUNCES THAT THE MONARCHY IS RE-INSTALLED ANDREA ANNOUNCES HE IS TO BE CROWNED KING ANDREA ANNOUNCES THAT PRINCESS DIANA HAS DIVORCED CHARLIE AND IS TO INSTEAD WED HIM ! ANDREA ANNOUNCES THAT HE IS ABLE TO GET IT UP ANDREA GETS DIANA PREGNANT ANREA ANNOUNCES .... Prime Minister Andrea Papandreou is caught on the record mumbling the above statements while he lies in a coma at the Onassis Cardiac Center in Athens. His wife Demetra on hear of the above statements dismisses them as PASOK propaganda to get rid of her. To prove to the press that she still reigns she unclothes herself, says take all the picture you want this time and jumps on the immobile body of her husband and attempts to screw the shit out of him. For the first time the Greek public is given an opportunity to see the Prime Minister's pecker....INCREDIBLE...worthy of a true Greek...half a meter long king kong...meanwhile Dimitra's internal organs get ripped apart as his penis pentrates upwards through her body. She screams in agony that she is being killed and that his pecker never was that hard or long before, it was just a few centimeters previously. Dimitra slowly starts to die and a reporter nearby quietly whispers to an associate: "Stupid Greek bitch, when a Greek man dies his cock gets so hard, that had he been alive to see it he would have fucked even more airline stewardess and probably had the chance to fire more state employees from the national carrier to meet EU demands for lower state subsidies!" Whats the difference between Christopher Reeve and someone who tells a Christopher Reeve joke? A: Christopher Reeve still has some feeling left. If every one in the USA owned a pink Cadillack, what would it be called.? A pink carnation! Three women walk in to a lingerie store, the first woman goes up to the sales person and says, "I'd like 7 pairs of underwear please. one for each day of the week." The second women walks up to the sales person and asks for 5 pairs of underwear, 5 for the week days when she's with her husband, and then on the weekends she doesn't wear them because she's with her lover. The last woman asks for 12 pairs, the sales person looks confused so the woman responds, "January, Feburary, March,..." How do you send a hooker to college? On a Hugh Grant... Two old gents are rocking quietly on the porch of an old folks home in England when Lady Bottomley, age 94 decides to streak the compound. She rips off her clothes and, starkers, toddles across the lawn. One gent looks up, "I say, wasn't that Lady Bottomley?" The other looks over his glasses, "I think so." The first asks, "Whatever was that she was wearing?" The other replies, "I don't know, but it certainly needed pressing!" What did Jeffery Dahmer say to Larana Bobbit?? Are you gonna eat that?? A HAMBURGER WALKED INTO A BAR AND ASKED FOR A BEER THE BAR TENDER SAID "SORRY WE DON'T SERVE FOOD". What were Adams' first words to Eve?? Stand back... I don't know how big it gets! A hillbilly was in court, charged with killing and eating a white spotted owl, which is on the endangered species list. " Your honor, I didnt know I have 5 kids and we were hungry." A compassionate man, the judge let him go, if he promised never to do it again. On the way out of the courtroom, the judge asked, out of curiosity, what a white spotted owl tasted like. " Well, judge, its kinda like a cross between a bald eagle and a condor!" ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Do you know what Martin Luther King Jr., George Washington, &Abraham Lincoln all have in common? They were all born on holidays!! Q: What do you say to a baby wearing designer diapers? A: Gucci Gucci! HOT DOG DIVERTS JUMBO YJJA LONDON (REUTER) - A BRITISH AIRWAYS CAPTAIN DIVERTED A JUMBO JET 1,000 MILES (1600 KM) TO SAVE A TINY DOG FROM OVERHEATING AFTER 200 PASSENGERS GAVE HIM THE GO-AHEAD. CAPTAIN REX GRAVELEY SPOTTED THAT A HEATER WAS STUCK ON FULL BLAST IN THE HOLD WHERE A MINIATURE SHITZU DOG CALLED LOUISE WAS FLYING FROM HOUSTON TO LONDON LAST MAY. GRAVELEY ANNOUNCED THE PROBLEM OVER THE PLANE'S PUBLIC ADDRESS SYSTEM AND THE PASSENGERS OVERWHELMINGLY VOTED FOR HIM TO DIVERT THE PLANE TO BOSTON -- AT A COST OF 20,000 STERLING ($31,000). GRAVELEY WAS THIS WEEK AWARDED A PLAQUE BY THE ROYAL SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO ANIMALS. 24-NOV-0410. HHK324 H2413128 NEVJ Did you hear about the new types of Treasury bonds to be issued to avoid default? The Gingrich bonds have no maturity, the Dole bonds bear no interest, and the Clinton bonds have no principle. If any of you guys have ever thought you have a set of cajones, forget about it. This is a true story that just happened at a wedding at Clemson. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding ceremony, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manilla envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and he told them to open it. Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F*** You", he turned to the Bride and said "F*** You", and then said "I'm out of here." He got the marriage annulled the next day. While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of friends, family, grandparents, etc. The People's Top 10 E-Mail Rules: 10. Don't type in all capital letters -- IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING. Take time to check spelling and look for typos. According to E-mail users, neatness does count. 9. Don't send duplicate copies of private E-mail without letting the recipient know who else is getting it. ``The blind cc: is unethical,'' said Linda White, a public relations official in Santa Clara, Calif. ``I have the right to know who is reading a message that I am receiving.'' Likewise, don't forward mail someone else has written without asking first. 8. When in doubt, leave it out. This pertains to messages you're replying to: repeat just enough of the original to jog the sender's memory. ``An E-mail message that shows appropriate editing shows that the author has given some thought to the response,'' said Elizabeth Davidson, a CompuServe and Internet user in Los Angeles. The leave-it-out rule also pertains to racial slurs, swear words and other harassing, inflammatory language. ``I pretty much say my piece whether I like someone or not, (but) I never use profanity,'' said Roger Little, of Fontana, Calif. 7. Know where to send a message. Double check the address of the person or group you're writing to and avoid sending copies to people who don't have an urgent interest in what you're saying. Using the right address is especially important if you're trying to get on or off an E-mail list. ``I learned that lesson,'' said Lori Thomas, an America Online user in Huntington Beach, Calif., ``after receiving about 20 messages pointing out that I was a net newbie who had clogged up all the mailboxes of people on the save listserv with my dumb request to unsubscribe.'' 6. Contribute wisely. Nobody wants to waste time reading ''Me too'' messages. Save your E-mail list or bulletin board contributions for information that furthers the discussion or starts a new, but related topic. 5. Be concise and precise. For E-mail messages, shorter is better. ``I send two to three paragraphs at most,'' said George Langworthy, Sr., of Kansas City. For E-mail and Internet newsgroup postings, put the subject of your message in a few words in the ``Subject'' field -- then stick to it. ``Unless I know the sender or can see the subject of the mail, I will just trash it,'' said Don Ackley, an America Online and Internet user from Costa Mesa, Calif. ``I do not want to open mail to find out that it is a topic in which I have no interest.'' 4. Attack the idea, not the person. The easiest way to start a flame war is to malign someone you don't agree with. 3. Don't hide behind your computer. E-mail is great for some things, but it's a cop-out for situations that need a personal touch. ``When I communicate with my staff, I try not to get into anything resembling assessments of their performance or exhibit emotions of any kind, unless it's an 'Atta boy','' said Ed Trotter, head of the Learning Technology Center at California State University in Fullerton. 2. Don't send unsolicited mail. Pyramid schemes, chain letters and unsought offers of products or services for sale fall into this category. Spamming, or sending the same message to hundreds or thousands of newsgroups, is unsolicited mail of the worst kind. ``Unlike (printed) junk mail, I pay to receive every E-mail message,'' said Ken Sethney, a Costa Mesa marketing consultant and Internet user. ``I will never patronize a company that sends me unsolicited E-mail, but I will willingly add my name to lists that promise information about products and services that interest me. The Internet is a lousy advertising medium, but it's a great inquiry response/customer service medium.'' 1. Follow the golden rules learned in kindergarten: respect others and keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything nice to say. Said America Online subscriber Kathleen Rubin: ``I never write anything I wouldn't want to see on the front page of my local paper, with my name attached. Why? It keeps me honest.'' (Michelle V. Rafter writes about cyberspace and technology from Los Angeles. Reach her at mvrafter(at)deltanet.com or mvrafter(at)aol.com. Opinions expressed in this column are her own.) SCIENTISTS SAY GLOBAL WARMING HAS BEGUN - PAPER YJPZ LONDON, OCT 15 (REUTER) - THE WORLD'S TOP SCIENTISTS NOW BELIEVE GLOBAL WARMING HAS BEGUN AND PREDICT THE WORLD WILL SUFFER MORE NATURAL DISASTERS AND DISEASE AS IT TAKES HOLD, A BRITISH NEWSPAPER SAID ON SUNDAY. THE INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY SAID IT HAD OBTAINED TWO CONFIDENTIAL DRAFT DOCUMENTS SUMMARISING AN OFFICIAL REPORT OF THE INTERGOVERNMENTAL PANEL ON CLIMATE CHANGE (IPCC). IT SAID THE REPORT, TO BE PRESENTED TO GOVERNMENTS AT AN INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE IN ROME IN DECEMBER, CONCLUDED THE WORLD REALLY WAS WARMING UP AND THAT POLLUTION WAS AT LEAST PARTLY TO BLAME. IN ITS LAST PRINCIPAL REPORT IN 1990, THE IPCC SAID THAT WHILE IT WAS CLEAR GLOBAL TEMPERATURES HAD RISEN, THE JURY WAS STILL OUT ON WHETHER THIS WAS DUE TO HUMAN ACTIVITY. THE DOCUMENTS, OBTAINED BY THE NEWSPAPER AFTER THEY WERE CIRCULATED ON INTERNET, SHOWED THE 2,000 METEOROLOGISTS AND OTHER EXPERTS CONSULTED BY THE IPCC PREDICTED A GRIM FUTURE FOR MANKIND. THEY FORESAW A SPREAD OF TROPICAL DISEASES, INCREASED INCIDENCE OF FLOODS AND DROUGHTS, DYING FORESTS AND DWINDLING HARVESTS IN SOME POOR COUNTRIES, SAID ENVIRONMENT CORRESPONDENT GEOFFREY LEAN. Q- how does a gay man get onto the net? A- "c" ":" "enter" Q- how does OJ Simpson get onto the net? A- "/" "/" "\" "escape" Q- did u hear OJ is moving to Arkansas? A- Yes, they all have the same DNA Recipe for success as an Israeli Fund Manager:- Israeli Stock Market - Buy and Hold (Hope?); the market's got to go up in the end . . .hasn't it..., well, hasn't it...? Foreign Exchange - Be a broker - your customers will keep you in business. But WHATEVER you do, don't dabble yourself- it's a mug's game. Hey, I used to think stochastics was something on a Jane Fonda tape! Commodities - Don't understand them. What do I know from sugar? Sugar, shmuger... Now give me a nice juicy Jaffa! (But then we've all just about had enough of OJ, haven't we...? International Securities - Farm out the money to foreign fund managers - they seem to know what they're talking about.. well, apart from Oct '87, the bond crash of '94, and, oh yes, the recessions in Japan and Germany...and then there was the Gulf War in '91 and then there was the . . . Best advice to the Israeli investor - go and buy yourself a condo in Florida. TALKING PENIS DROPPED FROM BRAZIL AIDS CAMPAIGN YJRC BRASILIA, SEPT 18 (REUTER) - BRAZIL'S HEALTH MINISTER SAID MONDAY HE WOULD STOP USING A TALKING PENIS IN AN ANTI-AIDS CAMPAIGN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE COMPLAINING THE CHATTY ORGAN CALLED BRAULIO HAD THEIR NAME. HEALTH MINISTER ADIB JATENE SAID THE REST OF THE $5 MILLION CAMPAIGN, ALSO CRITICIZED BY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, WOULD CONTINUE WITHOUT THE PENIS. "I BELIEVE THAT THE USE OF A NAME FOR THE SEXUAL ORGAN HAS MADE MANY PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE," HE SAID IN AN INTERVIEW WITH PRIVATE CBN RADIO. "THE CAMPAIGN IS GOING TO GO ON WITH ALL THE PARTS OF IT THAT DO NOT USE A PROPER NAME." THE EFFORT BEGAN THURSDAY TO PERSUADE MEN TO USE CONDOMS AND PREVENT THE SPREAD OF ACQUIRED IMMUNE DEFICIENCY SYNDROME, WHICH CAN BE SPREAD THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT. BRAZIL HAS THE GREATEST INCIDENCE OF AIDS IN LATIN AMERICA, WITH 71,000 REPORTED CASES. IN TELEVISION SPOTS, AN ACTOR CHATS WITH HIS PENIS, NAMED BRAULIO, ABOUT WEARING A CONDOM. BRAULIO IS A RELATIVELY COMMON NAME AND ITS USE BROUGHT A FLOOD OF COMPLAINTS AND THREATS OF LAWSUITS FROM BRAULIOS THROUGHOUT BRAZIL. THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ALSO HAS CRITICIZED THE EFFORT AS IMMORAL AND UNETHICAL. SPOKESMEN SAID IT GAVE THE IMPRESSION THAT USING CONDOMS WOULD PROTECT MEN COMPLETELY FROM GETTING AIDS. YAWN, I'VE NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN YJBP LONDON (REUTER) - AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT DRUG IS GIVING PATIENTS AN UPLIFTING BONUS -- WHEN THEY YAWN, THEY HAVE AN ORGASM. BRITISH NEWSPAPERS QUOTED A SCIENTIFIC STUDY PUBLISHED IN THE LATEST EDITION OF NEW SCIENTIST MAGAZINE. THE REPORT SAID FIVE PERCENT OF PATIENTS TAKING THE DRUG CLOMIPRAMINE HAD NOTICED THE SIDE-EFFECT, WHICH HAD ALSO BEEN NOTICED BY PEOPLE TAKING ANOTHER DRUG, PROZAC, EVEN THOUGH THE NORMAL EFFECT OF BOTH DRUGS IS TO INHIBIT SEXUAL DESIRE. THE DISCOVERY COULD HERALD A NEW ERA IN SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS, THE NEWSPAPERS SAID. 04-SEP-0334. HHK352 H0447188 NEVI Boy with no arms gets job ringing bell at a church, by hitting head against bell. Boy falls to his death one day while attempting to ring bell. Passerby says "Didn't know him, but his face rings a bell..." Boy's brother wishes to ring the church bell at the funeral as a token of respect. Boy's brother also falls to his death. Passerby says "Don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother" This is an example of the kind of documentation available with computers today. In Apple's Profile Disk Drive Manual "Your Profile Drive is packed in a cardboard shipping carton. It is covered with polyethylene and is protected by thick foam material. After you open the carton, remove the top layer of foam and you will find a small cardboard box lying on top of the drive. The box contains this manual." On a Friday evening Superman is flying around rather bored. On his flight he bumps into Batman and asks him what he is doing tonight, but Batman is busy so he tells Superman to go and ask Robin but unfortunately Robin is busy too. So Superman flies around the world a couple of times up to the moon and back and over Metropolis, suddenly he sees Wonderwoman lying stark naked legs spread on her roof terrace. He thinks, as I am so bored and I can do it at the speed of light I might as well do her quickly she will not even notice. So there he goes wham bang thank you mam and flies off with a big smile on his face. But while flying away he hears Wonderwoman saying "what the fuck was that" and the Invisible man answering "I don't know but my ass hurts". 4 nuns die in a car crash. On the way to heaven, they have an interogation process. The first nun is asked if she has ever touched a "penis". She replies that she accidentally brushed past one with her wrist once. The man says "don't worry, cleanse your hand in this Holy water and you may proceed to heaven." The second is asked the same, and she had once fleeting done the same with her elbow. She cleanses her elbow and proceeds to heaven. The man turns to see nuns 3 & 4 fighting in the queue, to which he remarks. "Sisters, what is the cause of this quarel?" Nun 4 replies: "There is no way I am gargling with that water after she had it up her ass!" WOMAN WHO STOOD IN BLIND MAN'S PATH DROPS SUIT YJOO BRADENTON, FLORIDA (REUTER) - A WOMAN WHOSE TOE WAS STEPPED ON AFTER SHE DELIBERATELY STOOD IN THE WAY OF A BLIND MAN AND HIS GUIDE DOG HAS DROPPED AN $80,000 LAW SUIT AGAINST THE DOG'S TRAINERS, LAWYERS SAID ON TUESDAY. THE WOMAN'S HUSBAND ALSO DROPPED A DAMAGES CLAIM FOR THE SAME AMOUNT. VERNON HENLEY, A BLIND MAN WHO HAS SINCE DIED, WAS LEARNING TO USE A NEW GUIDE DOG IN A SHOPPING MALL IN MAY 1993 WHEN CAROLYN CHRISTIAN, ACCORDING TO HER OWN VERSION OF THE ENCOUNTER, STOOD FAST TO SEE IF THE DOG WOULD AVOID HER. THE DOG FREDDY PULLED TO ONE SIDE BUT HENLEY, UNACCUSTOMED TO THE DOG'S SIGNALS, STEPPED ON CHRISTIAN'S FOOT, COURT PAPERS SAID. 09-AUG-0348. HHK300 H0935124 NEVM RODENT GNAWS ON BIG CHEESE U.S. LAWYERS YJOC CHICAGO (REUTER) - THE RODENT, A MYSTERIOUS AUTHOR NAMED AFTER HIS UNDERGROUND NEWSLETTER ON LAW-FIRM LIFE, HAS GIVEN AMERICAN BAR ASSOCIATION MEMBERS SOMETHING TO GNAW ON WITH THE RELEASE OF HIS ATTORNEY-BASHING BOOK. WEARING A FURRY RAT'S MASK AND A SUIT AND TIE, HE FOLLOWED MEMBERS OF THE LAWYERS' GROUP TO CHICAGO TO PROMOTE HIS 200-PAGE BOOK "EXPLAINING THE INEXPLICABLE: THE RODENT'S GUIDE TO LAWYERS". THE BOOK GIVES STEP-BY-STEP METHODS FOR "GNAWING TO THE TOP," OVERBILLING AND DOUBLE-BILLING CLIENTS "AND HOW THIS LEADS TO TOP BILLING". THE RODENT SAID HE MAINTAINS HIS DISGUISE BECAUSE HE IS AFRAID OF THE "PARTNERS PEST CONTROL". 09-AUG-0216. HHK136 H0973062 NEVL INDIAN TAKES CAB TO DETROIT FROM NEW YORK YJIF NEW YORK (REUTER) - A PASSENGER TOOK A TAXI CAB TO DETROIT FROM NEW YORK CITY THIS WEEK, RUNNING UP A ONE-WAY FARE OF $2,000, POLICE SAID. THE PASSENGER, A 51-YEAR-OLD MAN FROM INDIA, MADE THE EXCURSION TO COLLECT A CHEQUEBOOK FROM HIS EX-WIFE, POLICE SAID IN TROY, A SUBURB NORTH OF DETROIT. THE POLICE WERE ALERTED WHEN THE CAB PULLED UP TO THE WRONG HOUSE EARLY ON WEDNESDAY MORNING, SAID OFFICER ROBERT CARTER. THE MAN FOUND HIS EX-WIFE'S HOUSE NEARBY, HE SAID. "HE HOPPED BACK IN THE CAB AND SAID, 'TAKE ME BACK TO NEW YORK'. WE WONDERED WHY DIDN'T THE GUY FLY?" CARTER SAID. THE ROUNDTRIP IS 1,300-MILES (2,100 KM). 22-JUL-0306. HHK140 H22166808 NEVO U.S. ARTISTS ASK COURT TO "KEEP FREAKS ALIVE" YJNG NEW YORK (REUTER) - A SWORD SWALLOWER, A FIRE EATER AND AN ESCAPE ARTIST APPEARED IN A NEW YORK COURT SEEKING TO "KEEP FREAKS ALIVE" AND STOP MCDONALD'S FROM GOBBLING UP AMERICA'S LAST AUTHENTIC SIDESHOW. "WE'RE BEING EVICTED FOR A BIG MAC. WE WANT TO KEEP FREAKS ALIVE," DICK ZIGUN, ARTISTIC DIRECTOR OF CONEY ISLAND'S SIDESHOW, SAID AS THE FLAME-EATING KIVA TANTALISED PASSERSBY OUTSIDE THE BROOKLYN COURTHOUSE. THE SIDESHOW HAS BEEN SEEKING A NEW LEASE ON LIFE SINCE JUNE WHEN IT WAS GIVEN AN EVICTION NOTICE FOR NOT PAYING RENT. ZIGUN SAYS THE LANDLORD WANTS TO REPLACE THE SHOW BY MAKING A DEAL FOR A MCDONALD'S RESTAURANT. 12-JUL-0219. HHK132 H12160267 NEVJ BRAIN SURGEON CALLED "OUT TO LUNCH" YJAT WILMINGTON, NORTH CAROLINA (REUTER) - A PATIENT HAS FILED A LAWSUIT IN A NORTH CAROLINA COUNTY COURT CHARGING THAT A SURGEON LEFT HER IN THE OPERATING ROOM WITH HER BRAIN EXPOSED WHILE HE WENT TO LUNCH. THE LAWSUIT FILED BY MARY JO RIDENOUR CLAIMS SHE SUFFERED PARTIAL PARALYSIS BECAUSE OF THE CARELESSNESS OF DR RAYMOND SATTLER AT THE NEW HANOVER REGIONAL MEDICAL CENTRE. RIDENOUR CLAIMS THE NEUROSURGEON LEFT THE OPERATING THEATRE AND TOOK A 25-MINUTE BREAK. "THE NEUROSURGEON JUST WALKED OUT, DISAPPEARED. THEY FINALLY FOUND HIM HAVING A SNACK," SAID RIDENOUR'S ATTORNEY HARVEY WACHSMAN. 07-JUL-0414. HHK317 H07164210 NEVK SEX CAN CAUSE TEMPORARY BLINDNESS, SAY DOCTORS YJVQ PITTSBURGH (REUTER) - THE OLD WARNING THAT TOO MUCH SEX CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS MAY BE TRUE AFTER ALL. TEMPORARY BLINDNESS MAY RESULT FROM HAEMORRHAGES CAUSED BY RUPTURES IN THE EYE'S BLOOD VESSELS DURING SUDDEN SPIKES IN BLOOD PRESSURE ASSOCIATED WITH ORGASMS, SAID DR THOMAS FRIBERG OF UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH'S EYE & EAR INSTITUTE. "THIS IS REALLY RARE, CONSIDERING THE AMOUNT OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY THAT GOES ON, BUT I WOULD ASSUME THERE ARE OTHER PATIENTS OUT THERE WHO JUST DON'T REPORT IT," FRIBERG SAID IN AN INTERVIEW. HE CITED SIX PATIENTS WHO SUDDENLY LOST VISION IN ONE EYE DIRECTLY PRECIPITATED BY SEXUAL ACTIVITY. 22-JUN-0445. HHK493 H222431 NEVH ANOTHER LINK FOUND BETWEEN CHOLESTEROL AND SUICIDE YJIM LONDON, JUNE 23 (REUTER) - HIGH CHOLESTEROL CAN HELP KILL YOU, BUT LOW CHOLESTEROL CAN MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF, ITALIAN RESEARCHERS REPORTED ON FRIDAY. SEVERAL STUDIES HAVE LINKED LOW BLOOD CHOLESTEROL WITH VIOLENT DEATH AND SUICIDE, ALTHOUGH DOCTORS HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO EXPLAIN WHY. THE EFFECT WAS FIRST SEEN IN PATIENTS ON DRUGS PRESCRIBED TO LOWER CHOLESTEROL. DR MASSIMO GALLERANI AND COLLEAGUES AT ST ANNA HOSPITAL IN FERRARA STUDIED THE BLOOD OF MORE THAN 300 PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE AND 300 OTHERS. "LOWER CHOLESTEROL CONCENTRATIONS WERE PRESENT AFTER PARASUICIDE (ATTEMPTED SUICIDE) THAN AT OTHER TIMES," THEY WROTE IN THE BRITISH MEDICAL JOURNAL. "BOTH MEN AND WOMEN WITH TWO SETS OF BLOOD TEST RESULTS HAD LOWER SERUM (BLOOD) CHOLESTEROL CONCENTRATIONS AFTER PARASUICIDE," THEY ADDED. "THIS FINDING AGREES WITH PREVIOUS STUDIES, WHICH SUGGEST AN ASSOCIATION BETWEEN LOW CHOLESTEROL CONCENTRATION AND SUICIDE." HIGH CHOLESTEROL LEVELS ARE LINKED WITH HEART DISEASE, AND DOCTORS SAY THIS RISK IS HIGHER THAN THE RISK OF SUICIDE OR VIOLENT DEATH FROM LOWERED CHOLESTEROL. SOME STUDIES SAY THE CHOLESTEROL-SUICIDE LINK MAY COME 22-JUN-2259. MON881 L21255760 NEVH COINING A NEW PHRASE FOR CHARITY YJGY ATHENS (REUTER) - FANS ATTENDING THE EUROPEAN BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP WILL HAVE THEIR LOOSE CHANGE CONFISCATED AND THE MONEY DONATED TO CHARITY, POLICE SAY. "IF THE FANS DON'T WANT TO CONTRIBUTE TO CHARITY, THEY SHOULD LEAVE ALL THEIR COINS AT HOME BECAUSE THEY WILL BE BODY-SEARCHED AND THE COINS CONFISCATED," A SENIOR OFFICER SAID. GREEK FANS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO THROW COINS, ALONG WITH LIGHTERS, FLARES AND OTHER OBJECTS ON TO THE PLAYING AREA IN PROTEST AT REFEREEING DECISIONS DURING CLUB GAMES.